Date: 2008-08-28 12:55 Subject: My Colbert Dream Security: Public

This started out as an email I was sending to some friends, but I decided this was worth coming out of my slump and making a journal entry for. Enjoy.



I woke up this morning out of a very odd dream. In this dream it seems that I somehow bumped into Stephen Colbert while out on the town, so naturally the two of us sat down to chat and have a drink. I informed Stephen that since I had bought and read his book that I too, was America (although to a lesser degree), and that as America, I wanted to give something back to the man who had given so much to me. Understanding that people like Stephen are probably even busier than I am, I thought he may find it handy to have a way to excuse himself from mundane tasks or boring people. The tactic was easy. Whenever someone asked him to do something, he could just respond that he was already doing it... for America. For example:

Query: "Honey, can you take out the garbage?"
Response: "Sorry, I would, but I'm already too busy taking out AMERICA'S garbage!"

Query: "Hey buddy, got any spare change?"
Response: "Sorry friend, but I'm already changing America!"

Query: "Can I ask you a question?"
Response: "First off, you just did. Second, I'm already answering the questions that plague America!"


And so on, and so forth.

Needless to say, Stephen thought this was a wonderful idea and asked me to take on a supporting role on his show. Then for some reason I was in some sort of executive bathroom, one where the walls and floors are that black "executive washroom" tile. There I was, using the urinal when Stephen comes in, laughs, pats me on the back and says something like "Well hello there Jason! Where's Chester?". I kind of laugh and look around and go "Well he's not down there!" after which we both laugh and the dream ends abruptly.

I don't know why it took such a wierd turn at the end, except Chester was barking at someone outside when I woke up, and I did have to pee. In any case, I'm pretty sure it doesn't make me gay.


Just thought I'd share before I forgot the whole dream entirely.

Feel free to use my Colbert America tactic for getting out of things you don't want to do. People may not believe it coming from you as readily as they would Stephen, but I have a solution. What I plan on doing is keeping a copy of his book "I Am America (And So Can You!)" with me at all times so that I can just pull it out, show someone the cover and say "And I did.". That should take care of it.

Oh and on the chance you haven't read it, it really is a good book.